Memories
by Panthers Midnight Lair
Summary: Daniel is on the mend and it looks like smooth sailing until he begins to remember something Jack had been hoping to keep hidden.


Memories

by Panther

Type: H/C, Pre-Slash, Angst, Smarm

Pairing: Jack/Daniel

Rating: R (adult themes)

Season: 7

Spoilers: Evolution, Full Circle, Pretense

_DISCLAIMER: The SG universe and all its inhabitants are the sole property of MGM. I don't own them I just like to play with them._

Daniel is on the mend and it looks like smooth sailing until he begins to remember something Jack had been hoping to keep hidden.

Jack sat uncomfortably in the cramped coach seat of an airline whose name he couldn't remember. It was roomier than the seats in the little puddle jumper they had been packed into to get out of Honduras, but that wasn't saying much. Shifting in his seat yet again, he tried to settle his impatience with the notion that it was worth leg cramps and having his butt fall asleep if it meant delivering Daniel and his odd little companion, Bill Lee, safely home. Dragging his attention away from his complaining knee Jack adjusted the blanket covering Daniel who was sound asleep in the seat beside him. Daniel responded with a heavy sigh as he dreamed.

Six hours ago they had been in the jungle, bouncing along what Burke had loosely termed a "road" in a broken down Jeep graciously donated by the dead mercenaries. Three hours ago they had been at a local hospital in the nearest town to actually have such a thing, a surgeon turned general practitioner looking the two recently freed hostages over, cataloging their injuries. It had been a longer list than Jack had been expecting; certainly more than he'd suspected by looking at the two men. They were walking (or in Daniel's case hobbling) and talking so he had been perfectly happy to assume everything was fine. They were in much better shape than the nightmarish scene he'd been imagining and continually chasing out of his head during his march through the jungle to find them. In fact, Jack had been so relieved to find Daniel in one filthy, though bewildered piece all he'd wanted to do was hug the stuffing out of him, witnesses or not. Fortunately (or unfortunately) military protocol had gotten the better of him and Jack had settled for holding him up, inconspicuously stroking his side under the pretense of trying to get a better grip, happy as a clam.

The revelation of weeping burns and a scattering of bruises across his upper body during the examination had come as a very unpleasant surprise. Teeth clenched hard enough to make his jaw ache, Jack had allowed himself to be ushered out of the room for the sake of privacy before the doctor had set to work cleaning Daniel's wounds. He had stood fuming in a corner of the crowded waiting room, clenching and unclenching his fists while struggling to control his temper.

He knew quite well how a person got burns like that. In the high tech world of interrogation they used tazers or converted cattle prods. However, car batteries worked just as well for a goon on a budget. Either way it left the victim aching for hours with muscle cramps and spasms. The human body didn't like high voltage. The realization that most likely not all of Daniel's grunting and groaning during the trek back to the guerilla camp to collect the artifact had been due to his leg didn't help Jack's mood. All he could think as a nurse had finally escorted Daniel and Bill back out of the treatment area some time later was that the mercenaries were indeed fortunate to already be dead. Otherwise he would have made Burke take him back to the camp to exact a little revenge.

Jack shook the thought loose with a jerk of his head and forced himself back to the present, aching knee, numb butt and all. Daniel was bandaged, fed and significantly cleaner. In less than an hour they would be touching down in San Diego before transferring to a military transport that would take them on the last stretch of their journey back to Colorado. Very soon it would all be just one more bad memory in a growing collection and life would go on.

Movement beside him captured Jack's attention as Daniel shifted in his seat and dislodging the pillow that had been tucked under his thigh to keep his tender and still bleeding wound away from the seat cushion. A wound that still contained a bullet lodged deep in his leg, one he had been unwilling to let the doctor remove. Apparently he didn't mind rustic surroundings except where surgical procedures were concerned. In all honesty, Jack couldn't blame him. The moment his leg touched the cushion Daniel came instantly awake, gasping into consciousness. With a groan he shifted positions seeking one even remotely comfortable, a useless endeavor in such a confined space.

"Why don't you turn sideways and put your legs over the armrest?" Jack suggested watching Daniel's growing frustration.

"Because you're in the way." Daniel pointed out, bleary eyed.

"So? Give me your legs." Jack motioned.

"I'm not going to take up both seats, Jack." Daniel said. "I'm fine."

"Yeah, I'm sure." Jack replied unconvinced. "Do you want to sleep or are you just going to keep arguing with me until we land? Give me your foot." Slowly and quite reluctantly Daniel swiveled in his seat until his back was to the window before resting his good leg across Jack's lap, Jack immediately unlacing his boot and tugging it off. "Now the other one."

"You won't be able to move." Daniel continued to protest with a yawn.

"I can't move now." Jack replied with a shrug.

"What if you have to take a leak?"

"Then I'll smack you in the back of the leg and you'll be up in a heartbeat. Foot." Jack said waving his hand impatiently.

Daniel snorted at the comment, as close to a chuckle as he could come in his current state of exhausted misery and lifted his injured leg using both hands before lowering it carefully into Jack's lap. Jack used much more care removing the boot this time, Daniel wincing with every movement before finally settling against the side of the plane. A few well placed pillows later and he was very nearly comfortable.

"Thank you." He mumbled as he drifted back to sleep.

"Don't mention it."

**XxXxXxXx**

"I'll put your stuff in the guest room." Jack called from half way down the hall as Daniel hobbled his way to the living room on the unfamiliar crutches Janet had given him. She had removed the bullet from the back of his leg earlier that morning and immediately released him with a pair of crutches, a couple of bottles of drugs and an order to rest. Jack was fairly certain the latter was unnecessary. Daniel was obviously wiped out, the dark circles under his eyes and pale complexion a dead give away, not to mention the slight tremble of his arms as he struggled to maneuver with his new accessories.

Daniel had intended to collapse in his quarters on base and do his best to imitate being in a coma, but Jack had other ideas. Not even entirely selfish ones, he admitted to himself with pride. Daniel needed food, water, and rest and not necessarily in that order. Unless he intended to do his recuperating in the infirmary there would be no one around to make sure he got ample doses of all of them. Bill Lee had a sister to take care of him and nurse him back to health. Who did Daniel have…besides a Colonel who was completely smitten with him? Jack had left that part out of his presentation to both Daniel and Janet and had stuck with the "what are friends for" argument instead, which had worked like a charm.

Daniel hadn't protested the idea any more than Janet, though he hadn't seemed any more enthusiastic, either. Apparently it didn't matter where he ended up crashing as long as it contained a bed and a lack of harassment. It was a notion Jack couldn't help, but find disappointing, though he did his best to hide it. It was going to be the first time since his miraculous and quite startling reappearance on Vis Uban that Daniel would be spending the night at Jack's house. Despite the fact that "spending the night" didn't mean what it once had, in Jack's opinion it was still worthy of at least a little enthusiasm.

It had taken Daniel several weeks to accurately remember the depth of his relationship with Jack. Hard won friendship had matured into something much deeper before his fateful mission to Kelowna and Jack had waited patiently for the snatches of memories to form a clear picture in Daniel's mind. Keeping his distance and making every effort to keep his hands to himself he had eagerly anticipating the day when it all finally fell into place. However, to his surprise and profound disappointment Daniel's restored memories of what they had once been hadn't inspired a breathless dash to Jack's house in the middle of the night. Instead it had rewound the clock to one of the most difficult hurdles of their relationship and left Daniel to remake a decision he had struggled with long ago.

Being who they were and working where they worked had always been at least half the problem with their relationship. At least for Jack. If he wanted to keep his post as well as his rank it meant hiding what they felt from nearly everyone they knew, disguising it as best they could and trying to pass love off as nothing more than very solid friendship. In Jack's mind it had been settled long ago. He loved Daniel enough to want to shout it from the rooftops, but the rules were the rules and if he wanted to stay in the Air Force he had to at least pretend to play by them. The first time over this hurdle Daniel had agreed to follow Jack's lead and trust his judgement. After all, Jack was risking far more than he was.

Unfortunately, after his return to human form Daniel had rediscovered the dilemma at the same time he had rediscovered their relationship and he had been struggling with it ever since. The notion of having to turn their relationship on and off like a light switch depending on who was in the room didn't sit well. His argument was that rather than always pretending to be nothing more than friends wouldn't it be easier just to go back to being nothing more than friends? Jack understood it intimately. They had had this conversation several times in the past before deciding that hiding their feelings from each other was much harder than hiding them from everyone else. It scared Jack to death to know that Daniel was being forced to make that decision all over again, uncertain of what the outcome would be this time around. Still there wasn't much he could do about it. It was a choice Daniel had to make for himself and until he did they were "taking things slowly", which actually meant their love affair had been busted back down to a platonic friendship.

"Any requests for lunch?" Jack asked as he returned to the living room to find Daniel stretched out on the couch, an arm draped across his eyes to block out the light pouring in through the windows.

"No…thank you. Just tired." He mumbled, well on his way to being asleep.

"You sure? You haven't eaten since last night." Jack reminded him, breakfast having been pre-empted because of his surgery.

"I'm sure." He sighed. "Night."

"Night." Jack replied, agreeing to drop the topic, stopping himself mere inches from stroking Daniel's hair, stuffing his hands in his pockets instead.

Jack shuddered to think how close he had come to losing Daniel again when he had just barely gotten him back. If he and Burke had been ten minutes later Daniel would have been dead, hacked to pieces by a lunatic. He wasn't ready to go through that again. Not yet.

Standing beside the couch looking down at him Jack resisted the urge to grab him and kiss him, jogging his memory a little and hopefully shaking something loose at the same time. Instead he reminded himself one more time of the need to be patient and walked quietly out of the room determined to respect the new confines of their relationship. Hands still in his pockets he wondered how long he would be able to have Daniel under his roof before he finally lost the ability to pretend he could handle it.

**XxXxXxXx**

Jack woke in the dark, ears tuned to something he wasn't sure he'd heard. Something had jarred him from his dreams and he lay in absolute stillness, holding his breath, waiting. It could have been Daniel stumbling around on his way to the bathroom. It could have been a raccoon getting into his garbage. It could have been a very unfortunate idiot breaking into his house. For all he knew it could have been the Easter Bunny making a practice run, but whatever it had been it wasn't any longer. The house was silent, nothing to hear but the pounding of his heart as his body demanded that if he wasn't going to get out of bed and check it out could he at least take a breath. Sucking in a lung full of air and rubbing at his face Jack rolled over preparing to settle back to sleep when he heard the sound again: a desperate mewl muffled by distance and the closed doors between him and the source. Still he knew it instantly. It was a sound he hadn't heard in a very long time. One that had his body leaping into action before his brain had sent the signal, covers thrown back and his feet squarely on the floor in a fraction of a second. Jack's heart lurched in his chest as he strode quickly across the room and threw open the door, charging into the hall without waiting to hear the sound again even for confirmation. If he was wrong, he was wrong and he'd apologize later.

Covering the distance to the end of the hall in three strides, Jack turned the knob to the guest room door and pushed it open without bothering to knock.

"Daniel?" he whispered as he stuck his head in the room.

A sniffle. "Yeah?" came a whispered reply.

"You ok?"

"No, not really." Jack heard him swallow and then there was silence followed by the barely visible movement of the shadowy form on the bed. Another sniffle gave way to the sound that had pulled Jack from his dreams: the choked, rasping sob of Daniel coming apart at the seams.

Once again Jack was moving faster than he could think. Completely forgetting the restrictions of their newly reinvented relationship he pushed his way into the room and was sitting on the edge of the bed gathering Daniel into his arms before he realized what he was doing. By the time his brain caught up to his body he already had Daniel tucked to his chest, but to his relief Daniel didn't seem to mind.

"It's ok, Danny." He soothed in a whisper. "It's over. You're safe."

"They're gone." Daniel choked. " I saw them…they were screaming."

"Who?" he asked, but Daniel didn't answer, gripping him tightly enough to bruise ribs, his body trembling. "It's alright." Jack offered. "I'm here." He whispered words of comfort in a continued stream until finally the desperate grip on him began to loosen. "What happened?" He asked quietly.

"Abydos. It was…it's…something happened." Daniel swallowed. "I tried to stop it. I wanted to save them."

"It's ok." Jack soothed even as he fought to control the cold chill running through his own body.

No one had told Daniel about the catastrophic consequences of his failed attempt to subdue Anubis. No one had the heart and they were all holding their breath, waiting for the day when it came back to him on its own. Jack had been hoping it never would though he'd had little doubt it was inevitable. Now sitting with Daniel cradled in his arms he supposed the dream meant it was time to reveal the truth of the tragic story. However, he'd be damned if he was going to get into it now. For the time being Daniel had enough on his mind.

"It was so real." Daniel continued quietly. "I watched the pyramid explode. I can still hear the sound." He was silent for a moment, Jack able to visualize the scowl on his face as Daniel turned the images over in his mind. "I saw it, but there was nothing I could do. I…I heard them screaming..."

"Easy, Daniel. It's alright." Jack soothed as Daniel's voice failed him in mid sentence and before he realized what he was doing Jack found himself burrowing his face into Daniel's hair, nuzzling him, murmuring to him. "My sweet Daniel." He breathed suddenly realizing he was playing a new game by the old rules and pulling himself up short, his head coming up with considerable effort. Even in the darkness he could see Daniel raise his head as well and stare back at him.

"I know you want to take things slow, Daniel, but I'm having trouble keeping my distance right now. I'm sorry."

"You don't have to." Came the quiet reply.

"I'm not going to take advantage of this." Jack swallowed, his heart hammering in his chest. "Not even with your permission."

"I need you right now, Jack." He said.

"I know you do, but not like that. Not tonight." Jack replied gently, using all the discipline he possessed to keep from jumping off the bed and dancing around the room, whooping and hollering at the top of his lungs. Daniel needed him! Hallelujah, Saints be praised it wasn't hopeless after all.

"You're right." Daniel sighed suddenly sounding much more collected than he had been only moments before. "But…I don't want to be alone."

"I wasn't planning on going anywhere." Jack smiled. "I just need to be very clear about the boundaries. I don't want either one of us to get hurt here."

"Ok."

"And we, uh, probably shouldn't be sleeping in the same bed. Just to be safe."

"I'm not really in the mood to sleep, anyway." Daniel confided.

"That makes one of us." Jack replied with a snort. "I suppose I could sleep on the floor or something."

"I'm sure your back would appreciate that."

"Ok, bad idea. How about separate couches in the den?" he offered. "You can have the big one."

"I guess that could work." Daniel replied unenthusiastically.

"What?"

"I understand you wanting to be careful, but…"

"But?"

"I need you closer than that." He admitted quietly.

"Alright so what else can we come up with?" Jack asked in a voice that was surprisingly calm and reasonable considering the celebration going on inside.

"This is ridiculous." Daniel said releasing the tentative grip he had on him, leaving Jack feeling suddenly cold and lonely. "I'll be fine. It was just a dream."

Jack watched him pull away and fold in on himself, the arms that had been clinging to him moments before wrapped tightly around his own chest in the protective posture he'd been using as long as Jack had known him.

"It's not ridiculous." Jack protested, stopping himself before revealing the fact that Daniel's other statement about it being only a dream wasn't exactly on target either.

"I'm a grown man."

"A grown man who just spent the better part of a week cooped up in a shack by a bunch of lunatics. You're exhausted, injured and doped up on Janet's pills. Not to mentioning your brain being in overdrive trying to make sense of everything that happened. I think that gives you the right to be a little off balance."

Daniel sighed heavily and curled up on his side on the mattress.

"Let's forget the politics for a minute." Jack offered resting a hand on Daniel's hip. "What do you need?"

"I need you to stay with me for a while."

"Ok then." Jack stated with a nod before getting up from the bed. He could feel Daniel's eyes on him as he shuffled across the darkened room to an old easy chair, finding it with his shin and nearly toppling headfirst into the seat. Grumbling to himself, he tugged it closer to the bed before settling into it, his feet rested on the end of the mattress. "Is this good enough?"

"Yeah." Daniel agreed. "Thank you."

"Don't mention it." Jack shifted in the chair trying to find a comfortable position. "Can you throw me a pillow?" A second later one hit him in the chest and he tucked it behind his aging back. He was a bit too old for chair sleeping, but one night surely wouldn't kill him.

The room was silent for several long moments and despite his intentions of sitting up to watch over Daniel, Jack felt his eyelids creeping closed. The sudden jostling of the bed as Daniel moved attracted his attention for a moment before it was still again. Seconds later much to his surprise he felt a warm hand resting gently on his ankle. He waited, but there were no words and no other physical contact just the very slight weight of Daniel's hand. Jack smiled to himself in the dark determined not to move that leg for the rest of the night.

**XxXxXxXx**

Jack woke the next morning with a knot in his back, a cramp in his neck and happier than he had been in months. Daniel was still asleep, stretched out face down across the bed, his feet dangling over the edge and an arm draped over Jack's shins. The sudden ringing of the telephone ruined what was supposed to have been several long moments of studying the sleeping man's form. Disappointed at having to break even the minimal physical contact between them, Jack attempted to lurch toward the phone on the nightstand only to find several parts of his body unwilling to move, at least not quickly. Groaning and uttering a string of curses under his breath he snatched it from the cradle on the third ring.

"Sorry to disturb you at this hour, Colonel." Came the calm, southern drawl from the other end.

"It's alright, Sir." Jack winced, rubbing at his back. "I was awake."

"How is Dr. Jackson?"

"He's fine. Sleeping, actually."

"We just received word from Major Carter. She and the rest of her team will be returning to the SGC in about an hour."

"Glad to hear it, Sir." Jack smiled, heaving a silent sigh of relief. "I'll be there."

Daniel stirred as Jack hung up the phone, rolling over and letting out a groan of his own.

"Morning." Jack greeted. "How's the leg?"

"Don't ask." Daniel mumbled.

"That was Hammond. Carter and the gang are in one piece."

"That's good." He said sleepily.

"They're due back in about an hour. I'm going to hop in the shower and head over to the base. Will you be OK here by yourself?"

"I'm coming with you." Daniel replied instantly, bleary eyed, but determined.

"You need rest. Doc's orders. Carter and Teal'c will understand."

"I know, but I'm coming anyway."

"Daniel."

"Jack."

"Resting and eating. That's all you have permission to do for the next 48 hours."

"I need to see them." Daniel insisted quietly, a pleading look on his face that Jack had never been able to resist, though for a long moment he tried.

"For crying out loud." He grumbled. "Alright, but if Frazier asks I tried to stop you."

"Thank you."

"Think you can handle getting dressed while I hit the shower?"

"I think so."

"Good, then get a move on. We don't have much time."

Jack returned showered and shaved several minutes later to find Daniel sitting on the edge of the bed dressed in a clean pair of fatigues and a black t-shirt looking pale and worn. Apparently even the act of changing clothes was nearly too much for him.

"You ok?" he asked, padding barefoot across the room.

"Who knew getting dressed could take so much energy…but I'll be fine." He added as Jack opened his mouth to protest.

Jack closed his mouth again and stood looking back at him, studying him. Daniel was obviously wiped out, but despite how tired and sore he must have been one look at his face and Jack knew there would be no talking him out of it. He was going to the base to see Sam and Teal'c and that was pretty much the end of it.

"How about some breakfast?" He offered deciding to drop the argument before it even started. "What are you in the mood for?"

"Anything." Daniel replied. "I'm starving."

"Good. Sit tight. I'll be back in a few."

"I can make it out to the kitchen." Daniel protested.

"I didn't say you couldn't." Jack pointed out. "But you've got lot of hobbling around to do on base and we have to put on a convincing act for Frasier or you're going to end up back in the infirmary. So you'd better save your strength."

Daniel nodded agreement.

**XxXxXxXx**

Daniel watched as Jack strode out of the room looking rather pleased with himself for having won the argument so easily and couldn't help but smile. Sometimes it took so little to make Jack happy. He pushed himself up from the bed with some effort and hobbled the few steps to the easy chair Jack had vacated, making sure not to put any weight on his wounded leg. He'd managed to change the bandage while he'd been getting dressed and it didn't appear to be bleeding any more, but to call it tender was a major understatement. Moving his leg at all had it singing out loud and clear. Carefully he rested his foot on the end of the mattress and settled into the chair with a sigh. He could have done with some of Janet's pills, but they tended to put him to sleep and he was tired enough already. He desperately wanted to see Sam and Teal'c, to verify with his own eyes that they were alright, but to be perfectly honest he didn't see how he was going to pull it off. He hurt and he was exhausted.

Resting his head on the back of the chair, Daniel closed his eyes, snatches of the dream immediately reappearing in his mind causing him to force them open again. Between reliving scenes in the jungle and the horrible dream about Abydos he'd gotten very little sleep. He'd spent most of the night listening to Jack breathe and resisting the urge to beg him to climb into bed and hold him. He'd nearly given in more than once, but deep down he knew Jack would never agree. It would feel too much like taking advantage of him even if that wasn't what was happening.

Over the last few weeks Daniel had recalled more and more of what he and Jack had once had together and the more he remembered the more he ached to have it back. He had been an idiot for putting Jack off for so long when he was most definitely still what Daniel wanted. There was no denying that Jack was the best thing to happen to him in a very long time. Even if they were never able to admit to anyone else what they were to each other, the two of them would know and that was enough. Unfortunately, it looked like breaking the news to Jack was going to have to wait. He was too honorable a man to use the situation to his advantage no matter how badly he wanted to…bless his hockey loving, beer drinking, sarcastic little heart. Until Daniel could look him in the eye in broad daylight without the influence of nightmares or painkillers and tell him he loved him Jack wasn't going to budge.

"Ok," Jack announced, walking back into the room with a tray full of food "waffles and orange juice. I can make eggs if you want, but I know you're not always in the mood for those. What are you smiling about?"

"Nothing." He replied. "Thank you." He added taking the tray and carefully settling it on his lap, ignoring the fact that Jack was very obviously studying him, still trying to assess his condition.

"I took the liberty of including a couple of Advil."

"Thank you." Daniel repeated gratefully, immediately plucking the small pills from the tray and popping them into his mouth before washing them down with orange juice.

"I know you want to see Sam and Teal'c, but are you sure you're up to this?" Jack asked.

"No." he admitted. "But I heard Hammond talking to Janet yesterday. Their last report didn't sound very good. I just need to see that they're OK."

"I understand that, but you're not really in very good shape yourself."

"Jack."

"I know, I know." Jack sighed. "Well if we're going to do this you'd better hurry up and eat. They're due back in half an hour."

**XxXxXxXx**

Daniel tried to rest on the ride over to the base stretched out on the back seat of Jack's truck, his crutches on the floor. Breakfast had helped restore his energy a little and the Advil had done its best to quiet his leg, but he was certain Janet would take one look at him and confine him to the nearest gurney. Maybe it was just as well, though he didn't like the idea of waking in the middle of the night with nothing to comfort him, but a nurse with a handful of sleeping pills.

Last night was probably not going to be the last time he woke in a panic. He'd learned a bit about post-traumatic stress over the last few years. It was going to take some time before he started feeling like himself again. Until then he was going to be tense, tired and easily freaked out. They all knew the drill. Daniel sighed to himself and stared up at the ceiling of the truck.

"You ok back there?" Jack asked.

"Yeah."

"It's not too late to take you back."

"I'm fine."

"Anytime you need to pull the plug on this you just say the word."

"I will."

"I mean it."

"I know."

"Frazier's going to have a fit." Jack muttered to himself as they passed the main sentry station, the guards waving him through.

**XxXxXxXx**

Much to Jack's relief Janet didn't get excited when she discovered the two of them in the hallway headed for the gate room, Daniel making slow, but steady progress on his crutches. Jack knew she must have seen the exhaustion in his face and couldn't have missed the tremor in his arms as he struggled to hold himself up, but she had skipped the lecture about him needing to be home in bed and instead only asked about his wounds.

Jack had his own opinions about how long Daniel would be able to stand up under his own power, but kept them to himself leaving it to Daniel to decide when he'd had enough. Obviously he needed this and after last night's drama Jack was willing to do whatever Daniel needed if it meant never having to hear that sound again. Just the memory if it had him cringing and casting an extra glance in his direction.

They had barely stepped into the gate room when the alarm sounded announcing an incoming wormhole. They stood off to the side until Harriman verified that SG-1's iris code had been received. Daniel was the first to head for the ramp, hobbling a bit unsteadily, his expression anxious. Jack patted his back briefly, nothing that couldn't be easily explained away as simple platonic concern and stood beside him.

Despite all of his doubts about bringing Daniel back to the base one glance at the expression of utter relief on his face as Sam, Teal'c, Jacob and Brat'ac emerged through the wormhole and he knew it was worth it. Ten pounds worth of worry had melted away in an instant. Unfortunately it seemed the need to see them with his own eyes had been the mainstay of his energy. Jack, momentarily distracted congratulating his protégé on a very successful tactical mission, had assumed they would escort the group to the infirmary, turn them over to Janet and then be on their way. However, when he and Sam finally made their way out into the hall they found the small group halted half way to their destination, huddled around Daniel who was leaning against the wall, hands tightly gripping his crutches and his head hung.

"What happened?" Jack asked, striding quickly up to them.

"I'm ok, Jack." Daniel insisted, slowly raising his head. "Just a little dizzy."

"Do you require assistance, Daniel?" Teal'c asked, apparently perfectly willing to pick him up and carry him the rest of the way.

"No…thank you, Teal'c, I'll be fine. I just need to rest for a minute."

"You guys go ahead." Jack instructed. "I'll stay with him."

"Do you want me to have Janet send a wheelchair?" Sam offered.

"No, it's ok." Daniel assured her. "Really. You guys go ahead. I'll be there in a minute."

Sam gave his arm a gentle squeeze before the small group continued down the hall.

"You ok?" Jack asked quietly, attempting to get a real answer now that the audience was gone. He knew how Daniel hated to have people fussing over him.

"Just tired." He admitted with a sigh. "This probably wasn't such a good idea, but I had to."

"I know." Jack smiled. "Why don't we stop by the infirmary so you can rest for a while…we'll pretend we're keeping the rest of the gang company."

Daniel smiled and pushed himself off the wall with some effort. Janet took the opportunity to examine his leg while he was there and pronounced him on the road to recovery.

"Is he ok?" Sam asked quietly when Daniel was safely out of earshot, sequestered behind a thin curtain on the far side of the room while Janet made a quick inspection of his leg.

"Pretty well exhausted, but Janet says he'll be fine." Jack replied.

"Was it bad?" she asked.

"Yeah." He replied, his tone of voice verifying her suspicions and also warning that she didn't want details.

"How's Dr. Lee?"

"About the same shape. He's on medical leave for the time being, which is where Daniel should be, but he wanted to welcome you home first."

Sam sat watching as Janet pulled back the curtain and a weary looking Daniel reappeared, the petite doctor holding a stethoscope to his chest as he stared transfixed at the far wall, a determined scowl on his face. Janet spoke to him and he nodded absently before she wandered away, disappearing into another part of the infirmary.

"He's been having nightmares hasn't he?" Sam asked, her eyes still on him, unable to see the startled look on Jack's face.

"One or two." He replied. "How did you know?"

"He's got that look."

"What look?" Jack asked turning his attention from Sam to Daniel.

"That far off, distracted look. He had the same one right before he told us about Rya'c and Bra'tac in that prison camp."

"Really?"

"Yeah. I think another piece of his memory is coming back."

**XxXxXxXx**

"I said 'first I step then you go'." Jack instructed as they attempted to make their way from the truck into the house with only one crutch, Jack holding the other one having taken its place under Daniel's arm. The morning's ordeal had sapped far too much of Daniel's strength for him to be able to hold himself up long enough to get there on his own.

"Just let me try using the crutches." Daniel complained.

"Yeah, like you'd actually make it to the house."

"It'll be easier if I do this myself."

"Until you end up on your butt in the middle of the yard. Look, you aren't strong enough to use the crutches at the moment and you're too heavy for me to carry so let's just make this work."

"Getting weak in your old age?" Daniel quipped.

"Don't blame this on me. You're the one who decided to pack on all the muscle."

"Wait. I need to rest for a minute." Daniel panted.

"You alright?" Jack asked, frustration pushed instantly aside.

"Just worn out. Give me a second."

"I should have kept the wheelchair." Jack muttered.

"You'd never get it up the front steps."

"I'm not sure how we're going to get up the steps anyway."

"One thing at a time. OK, I think I'm ready."

Finally establishing a near rhythm between Jack's strides and Daniel's single crutch they managed to make it into the house, Daniel immediately collapsing on the living room couch.

"I'm not moving again." he announced half out of breath.

"Fine with me." Jack gasped, melting into the nearest chair. "How's the leg?"

"Hurts."

"Need some more drugs?"

"Not for another hour." Daniel said consulting his watch.

"How about lunch?"

"Sounds good."

"Any requests?"

"Not really."

"Alright, give me a minute to throw something together." Jack said and reached over to the end table to pick up the phone. "I need a large with every kind of meat you've got, extra cheese and two orders of wings…no bread sticks. Thanks." He said hanging up the phone. "Consider it in the oven."

"You always were a gourmet chef." Daniel chuckled to himself, his eyes closed, unable to see the grin it inspired on Jack's face.

"Years of practice. I need a beer. You want anything?"

"No thanks."

"You sure? I think I've got a Coke in there somewhere."

"I'm good."

"Alright, suit yourself." Jack said hefting himself up from the chair.

By the time he returned to the living room with the beer Daniel was asleep rousing only when Jack literally waved a hot piece of pizza under his nose. He stayed awake long enough to eat his share, then took another dose of pills for his leg and was asleep again. Lively company, he was not, but then Jack hadn't brought him home for the company. At least not entirely.

Jack sat for a long while watching him sleep, Sam's warning coming back to him. If he really was remembering something Jack didn't need a list of guesses to figure out what it was. He sighed heavily, a determined scowl of his own settled on his face. If Daniel was about to remember Abydos things were going to get bad.

**XxXxXxXx**

Daniel woke in a sweat, the incredible sound of an explosion still in his ears, vibrating through his body. Heart pounding, chest heaving he glanced around the room seeking reality to displace the disturbing fantasy. He was still on the couch in the living room, the sun just beginning to slip behind the trees outside. He sat up with some effort and covered his face with his hands for a moment, sighing heavily.

Ska'ra had been in his dream warning him about something. It had been a long time since he'd seen his brother-in-law. Not since the triad on Tolana that had released him from the goa'uld. In his dream they had been together on Abydos walking across the warm sand toward the pyramid, the younger man smiling up at him, sad eyes contradicting the expression. For a moment everything had been peaceful. Then in a flash of light the pyramid had disintegrated, a series of explosions so powerful he had felt the vibration in his bones as they took the structure apart. A shock wave rippled the sand as it approached them and Daniel had turned to suggest they high tail it back to the city only to find he was alone.

"You alright?" Jack asked, having silently appeared in the room at some point.

Daniel's face immediately came up from his hands, startled by the sound. "Yeah, I'm, uh…no, not exactly."

"Sorry. Didn't mean to scare you."

"It's ok." He said, leaning forward carefully on his elbows, feet on the floor.

"Another dream?"

"Yeah, sort of." He replied as Jack sat down on the couch beside him.

"Abydos?"

"Yeah." He admitted, Jack briefly rubbing a hand across his back. "What time is it?" He yawned, eagerly changing the subject.

"A little after five. You've been out for hours."

It was Daniel's turn to nod.

"You hungry?"

"Not right now." He said, disturbing memories of the pyramid still too fresh in his mind.

"Ok, well let me know if you need anything." Jack said, starting to get up.

"Would you mind just sitting here for a minute?"

"Sure." Jack replied instantly, settling beside him again, patting his good leg gently.

Daniel was grateful for the physical contact, but what he needed at that moment was not a pat on the leg. He wanted to be wrapped in arms strong enough to make him feel protected, safe from the unnerving scenes of destruction in his head. He needed to feel the very solid form of someone against him to remind him what was real. However, at the moment, Jack was still playing it safe, attempting to keep his distance and abide by the rules Daniel, himself, had fashioned weeks ago. Rules that, as far as he was concerned, no longer applied.

"I, uh, I know this probably isn't the perfect time." Daniel said, leaning back against the couch. "I guess there really isn't one. I mean, we're alone and that's a start because otherwise it would be a bit awkward…though I guess that's neither here nor there."

"Daniel." Jack interrupted, attempting to put an end to the rambling.

"Right. There's, uh, something I've been wanting to tell you." He continued.

"Oh?" Jack replied, removing his hand from Daniel's leg, attempting and failing to appear calm.

"I think…I know," he amended, resting his own hand on Jack's leg. "I want you back in my life, Jack. I mean, obviously you are in my life, but I want things back the way they used to be." He watched as a grin spread across the Colonel's face before fading a little.

"Are you sure? I mean, don't get me wrong, I love the idea, but could your suddenly making this decision have anything to do with your head being a mess right now?"

"No." He shook his head.

"You're sure?"

"Positive. I realized just before I left for South America what an idiot I've been. I was going to tell you when I got back. I guess I should have told you before I left, all things considered."

"Probably." Jack nodded, the grin returning.

"I still love you, Jack." He admitted. "There's no point trying to pretend anything else and I'd rather have to keep it a secret then keep denying it."

"I love you, too." Jack replied, a hand on Daniel's face.

"Besides, even if I hadn't already made up my mind, that knight in shining armor routine in the jungle probably would have clinched it." Daniel smiled.

"I aim to impress." Jack smirked back at him. "I was going to try chocolates and a couple of pounds of that designer coffee you like, but decided, what the hell? Why not go charging in at the last minute, guns blazing and save your ass instead. You see the lengths I have to go to just to get your attention?"

"Well, it was impressive alright…not to mention nerve wracking. Ten more seconds and I'd have been over."

"Didn't want to get there too early." Jack shrugged. "It would have ruined the entrance."

"I thought I was truly and royally screwed." Daniel admitted soberly.

"Never would have let that happen." Jack stated.

"Ah yes, there it is, the infamous O'Neill bravado."

"You think I'm kidding?"

"I think if you'd stopped somewhere along the way to tie your boots you'd have missed your queue. Two more minutes and Janet would have been piecing me back together like Frankenstein's monster." Daniel said. "That guy was a lunatic, Jack. That device did things to his head. He would have done it."

"But he didn't." Jack reminded him, seeing the fear creeping into Daniel's expression, the younger man vibrating slightly beside him. "He's dead. It's over."

Daniel nodded, jaw clenched.

"Come here." Jack said gently, putting an arm around Daniel's shoulders and pulling him closer, longing to say something to calm him, but not sure what. Promises about not letting anything happen to him were useless and they both knew it. Despite Jack's best efforts things seemed to happen to Daniel anyway, trouble inexplicably drawn to him like a moth to flame.

It had been that way as long as Jack had known him. In fact, almost from the moment they had met. He could still recall double timing it across the Abydonian sands chasing after Daniel as a very large, hairy Mustadge had dragged him through the desert by his leg. Little did he realize at that moment a pattern had been established that would continue through the life of their friendship: Daniel would get in to trouble, Jack would find him, dust him off and they would move on Daniel hopefully a little wiser and Jack definitely a little grayer.

Daniel shifted in his arms, Jack kissed the top of his head and gently stroked his shoulder. While he could stand to live without the added trauma in his life he certainly couldn't live without the man who seemed to carry it in his pockets. He'd already tried that only to discover Daniel's absence hadn't made his life any quieter, only colder. Since apparently you couldn't have one without the other; a package deal, two for one kind of thing, he had long ago decided he would gladly take one and put up with the other. Daniel's death and quite unexpected reappearance hadn't changed his mind, though he wouldn't have minded if he had been resurrected without the penchant for catastrophe still tethered to him. Obviously that hadn't been the case.

"You alright?" he asked softly, realizing Daniel hadn't spoken for some time, a thumb rubbing gently back and forth across Jack's chest confirming that he was indeed awake.

"I don't know." Came the quiet reply.

"Want to talk about it?"

"No."

Jack felt Daniel instantly tense against him, the arm that had been rested on his chest sliding around his stomach gripping him securely. It usually took a bit of coaxing, but it was a rare occasion when Daniel flat out refused to talk about what was bothering him. His sudden determination to keep things to himself had Sam's warning about returning memories echoing in Jack's head. Daniel was still dreaming about Abydos and judging by the look on his face they weren't pleasant dreams, which meant the truth was still roiling somewhere in the depths of his mind.

For a moment Jack considered leaving it alone knowing full well that when Daniel made up his mind not to talk about something it was incredibly difficult to coax information out of him. The chatterbox of an archaeologist could be very tight lipped when it suited him and in this particular case Jack didn't mind in the slightest because he didn't really want to talk about it either. Still, the thought of the volcanic memory pouring out of Daniel in the middle of the night was something he couldn't ignore. Like it or not it seemed determined to reach the surface. Despite the fact that he truly hated the idea, Jack knew it would be much better to have the conversation at a reasonable time of day than in the wee hours of the morning when they were both too tired to talk rationally about much of anything. As unpleasant as he knew it was going to be, it would be worse on only a few hours' sleep with adrenaline coursing through his system from being shrieked awake by Daniel. Jack was far from an expert psychologist, but he knew himself well enough to know being dragged from his bed in a panic in the middle of the night was not going to inspire a mood fit for discussing much of anything. Especially not the destruction of a planet full of people they had both cared about. So despite the fact that he loathed the entire concept, he took a deep breath and dove in.

"What do you remember about Abydos?" he asked quietly.

"Jack." Daniel warned, squirming against him.

"What? I just wanted to know what you remember…from before."

"Everything you do." Daniel replied, his tone impatient.

"Like?"

Daniel was silent and very still in Jack's arms as he waited for the answer, seconds stretching past a full minute.

"Daniel?"

"I don't want to talk about it, Jack."

"I know." He sighed. "And to be honest, neither do I, but you need to."

"Why?"

"Just trust me, ok."

"Why?" Daniel repeated, pulling away to look him in the eye.

The look on his face was almost enough to make Jack reconsider his plan. Determination mingled with a touch of curiosity and enough fear to nearly be classified as panic was swimming in his eyes. Jack would have gladly abandoned the topic entirely if he thought for a second that it was possible the memory would just slip quietly back into the shadows.

"What do you remember?" Jack repeated gently, a hand on his back.

"Sand, the people, the pyramid." He sighed.

"And…?"

"Ra."

"Not that far back." Jack coaxed.

"Why?"

"What's the last thing you remember?"

"Jack." Daniel folded his face into an annoyed scowl.

"Just humor me."

With a heavy sigh Daniel withdrew from him completely and sat in silence for a moment, settled on the couch beside him, but no longer touching him, arms wrapped around himself instead.

"Shau'ri's funeral." Daniel sighed.

"How about after that?"

"Nothing. All I can see is the dream."

"Then tell me about the dream."

"Why?" Daniel continued to ask, looking over at him, curiosity turning rapidly to suspicion.

"Because it's important."

"It's just a dream."

"Do you really believe that?"

"What do you mean?" He asked quietly, his suspicious expression having etched itself into his tone.

"Daniel…just trust me."

There was a long pause, Daniel shifting his attention from Jack's face to the coffee table in front of them, arms still wrapped around himself.

"I'm walking toward the pyramid." He finally said, quietly. "Sometimes Ska'ra is with me, sometimes he's not. The dream keeps changing." He explained, growing more distant as the vision pulled him back in. "There's a flash of light, almost like lightening, but brighter, and then the pyramid explodes. The sound…it's so loud I can't hear anything else. One level at a time it just…disintegrates into dust until there's nothing left. "Then the sand starts rippling like water, tearing up the desert. The shock wave was headed straight for the city. I wanted to warn them, but it was moving too fast there wasn't time."

Daniel turned toward Jack, glancing at him out of the corner of his eye.

"It wasn't a dream, was it?" he asked quietly.

"No."

Daniel needed silently, a pained scowl briefly flashing across his face. "Why Abydos? They were no threat to anyone." He insisted.

"I don't think it was really about them being a threat." Jack admitted.

"So…what, this is about the naquadah? The goa'uld have better sources than that."

"One goa'uld in particular." Jack said softly, his own stomach clenched, waiting for the shoe to drop as Daniel finally put the pieces together.

"Who?" Daniel scoured his face, looking for the answer.

"Anubis."

"What does Anubis need with naquadah?"

Jack just shrugged and look down at his hands. The anticipation was killing him. Daniel still didn't see it, but when he did… It would kill him. Silently cursing the day he'd ever laid eyes on the stargate Jack waited.

"The eye?" Daniel said

"I think that's part of it." Jack admitted.

"What's the rest of it?" Daniel demanded.

"Something went wrong, Daniel."

"What do you mean?"

"I don't know. You disappeared. You said you were going to take care of him and you'd be back, but…." He shrugged making a determined effort to say it without even hinting at an accusation. "We never saw you again. Not until Vis Uban."

"And Anubis walked away with the eye. I know. So if he had what he wanted why would he…"

Jack watched as a look of pure horror settled over Daniel's face.

"Because of me." He whispered.

"We don't know that." Jack countered. "It could just as easily have been because it was a handy place to start blowing things up. Who the hell knows? It was literally the first planet he came to and he knew the Abydonians were helping us. Maybe he was trying to make an example out of them."

"Or me." Daniel swallowed.

The familiar scowl settled over his face before he seemed to change tracks.

"This happened over a year ago. Why are you just telling me this now?" He asked. "Why didn't this come out when I remembered Shau'ri and we were talking about the missions to Abydos?"

"Because…I don't know. I was waiting for the right time." Jack said meeting his gaze.

"Like there is such a thing." Daniel snorted.

"I didn't bring it up because it didn't come up." Jack shrugged. "Look, I know it's a lame excuse, but I didn't want to have to tell you until I…had to tell you. It's better that you didn't know. To be honest, I don't even want to be talking about it now, but with you dreaming about it…" Jack sighed. "I didn't want you to find out on your own in the middle of the night that they're gone. The whole planet is just…gone. It's not the kind of thing a guy should have to come to grips with at two o'clock in the morning."

""Wait…Abydos is…?" Daniel scoured his face looking for any signs that what he'd just heard hadn't been the truth. "It wasn't just the pyramid? The city?"

Jack stared back at him for a long moment, wishing for an earthquake, a freak lightening bolt, spontaneous combustion of part of his house, anything to keep from having to say what he was about to say. Even before he had spoken the words he could see the effect of the revelation in Daniel's face as he went from pale to a faint shade of gray.

"The whole thing." He finally admitted. "The naquadah…" Jack shrugged knowing that he didn't need to spell it out any further than that. They all knew how naquadah amplified the affects of a blast. Anubis' weapon had hardly needed any amplification. It would have taken out half the planet all by itself. With the added help from the mineral…well, it had been a very big explosion.

Daniel stared back at him in horror, blinking and shaking his head as if trying to dislodge the concept. His breath coming in gasps, he pushed himself off the couch, wobbling on his good leg.

"Daniel…"

"I'm going to be sick." He swallowed, lunging away from the couch and hobbling as quickly as he could across the room toward the steps.

Jack stared after him for a long moment hating the situation he had just stumbled into, the notion that he had had little choice in the matter making him hate it all the more. Why couldn't whatever deity insisted on messing around in Daniel's life give him a break just once? His jaw set, Jack stood up and followed Daniel's retreat into the foyer. He could hear him retching in the guest bathroom down the hall, gasping and sobbing as his stomach rejected whatever food it was holding.

Without a word Jack retrieved a clean washcloth from the cabinet near the door and soaked it in cold water before approaching Daniel who sat miserably on the floor near the toilet, his back against the bathtub. Head hung, body trembling he sobbed and sputtered making the sound that sent Jack's pulse racing with a need to make it stop. Sitting beside him on the edge of the bathtub, Jack rested a hand on his shoulder, Daniel immediately shrugging it off. Undeterred Jack laid his hand on top of Daniel's head, the wet cloth forgotten in the other. He sat stroking Daniel's short hair, gently massaging his neck, waiting for him to cry himself out, an occurrence that was a long time coming.

"I'm sorry, Danny." He offered when the room was quiet.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Daniel rasped, his voice muffled, head hidden in his arms.

"I…I couldn't. I guess I was kind of hoping you'd never remember and then I wouldn't have to."

"How do you know?" he asked, his head coming up, eyes red and miserable. "If the planet's gone then how could you possibly know what happened?"

"Ska'ra told us."

"He's still alive?" Daniel gaped, eagerly grasping at the idea.

"No. Anubis' goons took him out before we turned over the Eye…sort of."

Daniel stared at him, clearly expecting an explanation.

"He…ascended." Jack said, waving his hand in the air. "I guess. He did that glowing thing and disappeared. He told us later what happened to the planet."

Daniel nodded dropping his gaze back to the floor.

"Kasuf?"

"I don't know."

He watched as Daniel's head sunk a notch lower between his shoulders. Once again his family was gone, swept away in the blink of an eye. Jack squeezed Daniel's shoulder wishing there was something he could say to make it better, but knew there wasn't. Words were useless still he said them anyway, unable to help himself.

"I'm sorry, Danny." He whispered one more time.

"Why didn't I stop it?" Daniel groaned miserably as he leaned over to rest against Jack's leg. "If I saw it why didn't I stop it?"

"I'm sure you tried." Jack offered stroking his hair.

"I should have tried harder."

"I don't know what happened between you and Anubis," Jack replied "but I know you did everything you possibly could to stop him."

"How?" Daniel snapped, anger crawling out from underneath his misery as he pushed away from Jack, pulling himself out of his reach. "I don't even know that. Thousands of innocent people died, Jack. Shau'ri's entire family, her friends, her people, because I told you to give that damned Eye to the goa'uld. Trust me," he snarled, struggling to his feet "if I did anything at all it wasn't nearly enough."

"Daniel…"

"You've seen the power Oma has." He continued as he hobbled toward the door. "You've seen what it can do. I would have had that same power. I should have been able to stop him."

"You know as well as I do things don't always go the way we plan." Jack replied getting up from the tub. "Missions fail. It just…happens."

"This wasn't just a mission." Daniel snarled as he made his way down the hall toward the guestroom. "I put people's lives in danger. I was the one who convinced you to give Anubis the Eye. You never would have done it if I hadn't told you to. He used it on them didn't he? Didn't he! They died because of me. Because I didn't do what needed to be done."

"No, Daniel, they died because of the damned goa'uld." Jack spat before managing to reign in his temper. "Anubis did this, not you. Obviously something happened that you didn't see coming or you would have fried his snake ass the same way Oma did those Jaffa on Kheb."

"I never should have told you to give it to him in the first place." Daniel replied miserably, the anger fading as quickly as it had appeared. "How could I have been so reckless? I could have saved them. I should have stopped him. Why didn't I stop him?" he asked, eyes pleading, his voice thick with tears.

"Why didn't Oma stop him?" Jack asked. "You weren't exactly in this alone."

"She couldn't." he swallowed, shaking his head. "I was breaking the rules. She wouldn't have risked getting in trouble with the Others."

"Like you did?"

Daniel scowled back at him, his brain struggling to work around the overwhelming emotions.

"You took a big risk getting involved." Jack continued. "You told us that yourself. You said Oma was watching you, and from the sound of it she probably wasn't the only one. What makes you think it wasn't someone else stepping in to stop you that made the whole thing go wrong? Why does it have to be 'they died because I failed'?"

"Maybe she was right." He said. "Maybe I shouldn't have gotten involved in the first place."

"His goons were on their way to Abydos when you came to me for help. Trust me, Daniel, he would have gotten that Eye one way or the other and without your help he would have gotten the tablet too. We'd be getting post cards from the Lost City by now." He said. "You did the right thing."

"What if he was the one who stopped me, Jack? What if I tried to take him out and failed and he destroyed the planet to teach me a lesson?"

"Come on, Daniel. Think about this." He pled. "You knew Anubis was coming to Abydos. You knew what he would do once he got there: kill them, turn them back into slaves, make them hosts. You had to do something. You had no choice."

Daniel stood in silence, eyes on the floor, arms wrapped tightly around himself.

"You risked everything for them." Jack continued. "Your place with the Ancients, the possibility of Oma's wrath, the fate of your own…soul." Jack waved a hand toward him. "No, your plan to stop Anubis didn't work, but you can't stand there and tell me you didn't do everything in your power to shut him down. I'm not buying it."

Daniel didn't move, didn't speak as stray tears tracked down his face. Jack took a step toward him, then another, stopping just out of arm's reach.

"It wasn't your fault, Daniel." He said quietly. "I may not know what happened, but I know that."

**XxXxXxXx**

Jack laid in the darkness, staring across the room at a wall he could barely see, an arm wrapped securely around Daniel who was sound asleep in front of him. There had been no cries of terror that night, no frightened groans only the occasional sigh and mumble after Daniel had finally cried himself to sleep hours earlier, Jack spooned tightly against him trying and failing to comfort him. He hadn't been entirely surprised by the lack of solace his presence had given. It was like trying to patch a gaping wound with a band-aid, still he wasn't about to let Daniel struggle through the night alone.

He was blaming himself for the tragedy like Jack had known he would and though it would probably take more than one night, Jack was determined to convince him he was pointing fingers in the wrong direction. If it was condemnation he was looking for he was out of luck as far as everyone else was concerned. Jack didn't know if physical contact was working any better than words to convince the hard headed archaeologist, but one of the two was bound to get through to him eventually.

Jack sighed heavily, pulling Daniel closer, struggling against the equally passionate emotions of adoration for the man in his arms and a black hatred for Anubis. He wanted to love one without reservation and destroy the other and his kind without so much as a hint of remorse at the thought. The warring sensations swirled through him with enough force to make lying quietly in bed a supreme effort. He wanted to strangle something, pound the life out of it, tear it to pieces with his bare hands, however, no matter how badly he wanted to expel the building turmoil Daniel needed him exactly where he was.

Dawn took its sweet time coming that morning, Jack sleeping in fits and starts, closing his eyes only to dream of darkness and destruction as if Daniel's nightmares had somehow been transferred to him through his skin. Needless to say when he finally crawled out of bed he was in a foul mood, tatters of his state of mind during the night still clinging to him. Leaving Daniel sleeping peacefully, Jack shuffled to the bathroom for a long, hot shower, hoping to wash at least half his annoyance down the drain. There was no telling what mood Daniel would be in when he finally woke, but Jack was relatively certain patience on his part was going to be mandatory.

When he finally emerged from the bathroom pink and damp, in a cloud of steam, he was greeted by the smell of coffee, a telltale sign that Daniel was awake. Caffeine was on Janet's no-no list, toward the top if he remembered correctly, but Jack was no more ready to deny him than he had been the day before. Whatever Daniel wanted he could have. Coffee, beer, pizza, moo-shoo pork, chocolate, anything his little heart or stomach desired.

Ducking into the bedroom long enough to pull on a pair of sweatpants, Jack headed for the kitchen steeling himself for the sullen version of Daniel he fully expected to see. Striding pleasantly into the kitchen despite the threads of anger that still trailed him, Jack found a predictably quiet Daniel sitting at the breakfast bar staring into the steaming cup of coffee he had gripped in both hands. With no more than a glance Jack instantly recognized the look of devastation barely masked by the contemplative scowl on his face. He could count on less than one hand the number of times he had seen that look in all the years he had known Daniel. It was an expression that made his heart ache and his blood run cold. This emotionally battered and bleeding version of the man he adored was most likely treading water in a vast pool of self-loathing, attempting to take the blame for something that was clearly not his fault. Whatever was currently going through his mind, he was far too wrapped up in it to noticed Jack's presence in the room.

"Morning." Jack greeted cheerfully, but not too cheerfully.

He watched as Daniel cast a glance in his general direction before mumbling a reply.

"You hungry?"

"No. Thank you." He said quietly, his full attention on the coffee in front of him.

"I'm kind of in the mood for cold pizza, myself." Jack replied, content to carry the conversation on his own as he opened the refrigerator and peering inside. "Too bad we don't have any. How about an omelet?"

"No. Thank you."

"With some sourdough toast?"

This time Daniel simply didn't reply. Jack pulled his head out of the refrigerator and looked at him from across the room, the refrigerator door closing with a hushed thump behind him. Silently he crossed the room and wandered around the bar, stopping behind the occupied barstool.

"You want to talk about it?" he asked quietly, hands on Daniel's shoulders.

Daniel shook his head. "No." he mumbled.

"What do you want for breakfast?" he asked, gently kneading tense muscles.

"I'm not hungry."

"Maybe not, but you need to eat." He replied leaning closer to Daniel's ear, matching his quiet tone. "Waffles? Maybe some bacon to go with it…and a bourbon chaser, assuming that's not what's in that mug?"

Daniel huffed, a twitch of a smile Jack could only imagine, fleeting crossing his face.

"I've got it. French toast, just the way you like it, with a whole lot of butter and a little syrup."

"Scrambled eggs?" Daniel suggested quietly.

"Anything you want." Jack abandoned his shoulders and wrapped his arms around Daniel's chest squeezing him gently. "I love you, you know?" he said, pressing a kiss to his stubbled cheek.

Daniel merely nodded.

"No matter what you think you're guilty of." He continued. "It doesn't change a thing. You're still the only guy I'd risk my pension for."

The sound that came out of Daniel was a mixture of a chuckle and a sob, his emotions obviously far too close to the surface to be controlled. "That's touching." he replied quietly.

"Yeah, well, you know me. Just a great big sap." Jack said, resting his head against Daniel's.

"I've heard that."

"From who? I'll rip his tongue out." Jack replied, doing a half hearted job of feigning annoyance.

Daniel slid back into silence apparently having shuffled through the conversation as far as he intended to go.

"Hey. Look at me." Jack requested quietly, letting go of him and swiveling the bar stool in his direction.

Very reluctantly a pair of miserable blue eyes found his with what Jack knew had to have been a supreme effort. Hurting Daniel didn't do eye contact. Meeting his gaze they immediately began filling with tears before dropping to stare at his knees, the two second contact all he could manage.

"I know this is hard for you, Danny." Jack swallowed, reaching out and stroking his face. "I just want you to remember that you're not alone. Alright? I'm right here and if you want to talk I'm all ears."

Daniel nodded against his palm.

"I've got two good shoulders to lean on and full box of Kleenex so bring it on."

Jack ducked his head to see Daniel's face, but only managed to detect the rumored presence of what might have been a smile.

"What do you need, Buddy?" He asked, abandoning his attempt at humor.

Daniel merely shook his head.

"You're miserable. You've got a bum leg. You didn't get nearly enough sleep last night and you haven't eaten since lunch yesterday. You've got to need something."

Daniel sighed heavily and wrapped his arms around himself leading Jack to move his hand from his face to caress his shoulder.

"You wanted scrambled eggs, right?" He continued, struggling to be patient.

"No."

"No?"

"I need you, Jack." Daniel replied miserably in a voice barely louder than a whisper.

Daniel was a linguist by study and trade. He could communicate in close to 30 languages, alien dialects included. However, when it came to talking about what he needed his vocabulary was incredibly limited. Fortunately, it was a code Jack had cracked years ago. Arms around his middle said he was hurting. A lack of eye contact said he was hurting badly. In that particular context "I need you" meant he needed to be held until he could pull himself together.

"I can do that." Jack smiled.

Taking one of his arms and pulling it from around his chest, Jack tugged him out the chair and led him down the steps to the den, one hobbling step at a time.


End file.
